HUMOR


Danny's' Adversity

Your adversary is someone who is adverse to your position
so adversarial poets
created an annual competition,
an annual verse writing contest,
an anniversary poetic fest

So Anni wrote a verse at the first contest
and on each anniversary hers' was the best.
But Danny's' poem finished in the rear
so it's Danny's' Adversity
starting next year


Worst Verse

The Worst Verse ever written
was that the first cat was never a kitten
and if someone ever tries to quote it
the author will say that he never wrote it!

But a verse even worse than that !!!
Is that  no kitten will ever become a cat.
But what about a hog is a dog that is fat?
But we can't write these rhymes without talking about a rat!

So what is the worse verse?
You mean the one that succeeds the first?
Well perhaps they form an infinite sequence
with each successive one taking prominence.

Bull In A China Shop

When there is a bull in a china shop
many delicate items will fall or drop
and if the bull should knock over a clock
even time will stop!

But somewhere there exists a plate
sitting on a table top
holding a piece of bull as in steak
being served in a china shop


75 Cents

Writing rhyme is time well spent
just ask the rapper with the name 50 cent.
But if he had another quarters' worth of rapping jive
he could change his name to 75!

Negative rappers will reap what they sow
eventually being trapped by the crap they throw.
But if the story they tell is reality
why in hell don't they tell it for free?


Lawsuit

The cop in her uniform was kind of cute
she was wearing a sexy lawsuit.
Her name is Sue as in litigation
she's a lawyer too for her own corporation.

When she takes a case
she will surely win
because her suitcase and her luggage
have briefs within.

She is a big shot attorney
and a marksman on the range
and there once was a man on a gurney
who she shot for acting strange.

So don't mess with the lady
in the blue lawsuit
she may not be strong and weighty
but she knows how to shoot.

Origin Of Gin

Ori drank gin from the original can of tin
that his father once made.
Whenever Scot drank scotch he did so botch
a promise not to do something that his wife forbade.

But before the advent of bourbon
in the Kentucky hills
they were drinking "suburban"
moonshine from Tennessee stills.

Vodka is still en vogue
in Vladivostok
but a guy is not a rogue
for keeping cold beer in stock
or if he throws an illegal block
that will leave an opponent lame
and that also serves to knock
the opposing team out of the game!

But only if winning at all cost
is the desired result
otherwise the goodwill to be lost
will be a moral insult.

But if the origin of gin
did indeed begin when a group of men
first took a drank.
Did a don not named Ron
sail the Atlantic in a manner frantic
and his ship did not sank?

Hey its only humor and the rules of grammar
don't always apply
and in watching "The Unsinkable Molly Brown"
sometimes you may frown,
sometimes you may laugh
and sometimes you may cry.

THE PUBLISHER

A man sent a manuscript to a publisher for review
a woman did the same thing too.
The publisher said:"Sir your work is just fine
but to publish it we must decline and madam
your work is quite bad but to publish it we will be glad.

The man proceeded to sue
on the basis of gender discrimination
after retaining the best
of legal representation .
The publisher replied in a brief ,
in response to plaintiffs' prayer for relief:

We will publish Her
but will not publish Him
because we are a publisHer
and not a publisHim!

EXIT

An ex-wife is a woman that used to be before
what she is now no more.

and likewise

Ex - it is it no more
whatever it was before
it must have exited out the door.

But if it is to exist
then it can't exit from its present state
otherwise it would be absent
or at least be late.

So if it exists it resists
a change in its state
and tends to stay as is
and not to accelerate.

Inertia

If an entity has no force to exert
then it can't change the status of
a state that is inert.

Soldier Of Fish

Limond rhymes with diamond
a salmon is a fish
a fictitious salmon is a limond
if the poet should so wish.

A diamond is a stone with many faces
so aligned as to reflect a brilliant light.
A limond is a fish in an ocean oasis
and if bait he should find
he will probably bite.
A diamond is among the 4 aces.
A limond is a fish that
a fisherman chases.

"If there were diamonds on Normandy Beach
then a hundred women could have liberated France".
But if there were a thousand limonds within his reach
a fisherman would need a lance.
But would he take a second glance
with thoughts of romance
at the ladies on the beach
with a hundred diamonds each?

With women in the breach of a combat zone
coordinating the attack on the beach via satellite phone
would the fishermen do best by trying to suppress
their normal level of testosterone?


"What Is"Is

Monica L is not Danica P
but which one is incorrect
politically?

"What is is" is not "what is is not" !?
for whatever someone has
is what that someone has got.
For if laws are made
to be occasionally broke
then inside of every legal  clause
could be puffs of meaningless smoke.

Animals will lie quite and still
to escape a predator's teeth.
But a crooked merchant will lie just to build
up the price of beef.

But to lie for selfish gain
is against the moral rule.
But a hungry shellfish will not remain
inactive in the pool.

But a lie to prevent great pain
may have to be taken in stride
and to lie with a mobsters' wife
could lead to homicide.


If She Is A Good Banker Don't Forget To Thank Her

Only later would he discover
that she was working undercover ...

But the stupidity of his prank
had a higher rank
than the rate of interest
paid by his bank.

Where he tried to collateralize a loan
with a bogus corporate bond
by interfacing with a banker
who was female and blond .
        
But he would soon discover
that she was working undercover
for the agency of the FBI.
And even when she took him on his perk walk
the jerk  had the nerve to try to sweet talk
her into giving him a bye.
       

The Con In A Cave

The con in the cave started to behave in a manner convex
so a cop named Dave tried to save the life of his ex
who had wrote a certain con a letter dear John
just a few days before.
But the con insisted that he be not resisted
in his attempt to see her just once more,
but when she refused
he felt abused when she loudly slammed the door.

So the con got vexed when he thought about his ex
dating another man
but maybe he could get her back
if he laid down a track
in the studio with the band.

So he jumped online to send an email
to let the lady know that he was doing well
but he would be doing better
if she came back to him.
But his email was caught
by a virus on the net
so he incorrectly thought
that the letter she would get
would improve his chances
from none to slim.
 
So he jumped in his car and put it in drive
and got to her house at six thirty five
and he knocked on her door and she let him in
and then he saw Dave who started to grin.
So the con from the cave took a swing at Dave
who ducked while finishing up his shave.

And the lady who had now became his ex
sat down and wrote an email text
"Dear John you are depraved
and since you have misbehaved
I am asking Dave.............to have you arrested .

And as you sit in jail
I will send this email
requesting that your bail
be denied and protested ......... until you stop being arrested"



Return To Home Page